Mother Unexpected

The World Health Organization changed it’s official recommendation regarding minimum and maximum acceptable cesarean rates in 2009. Originally, they stated that between 5 – 15% were the optimal rates and above this could be dangerous. They now state that while very low and very high rates are both dangerous, they do not know what exact percentages would be. The image left is from Monitoring Emergency Obstetrical Care – A handbook where the WHO published this information.

This information is now coming to light in the media saying that the pressure is off to reduce the number of cesareans. The same article said,

It [The handbook] added that “what matters most is that all women who need Cesarean sections actually receive them.”

This was quoted, however, upon reading the handbook myself (and you can read it for yourself) this was never said. I could probably be inferred however. It does matter that women that actually need a cesarean get one, but unfortunately there are still many, many cesareans that are unnecessary.

Why is the method of delivery so important if the baby is healthy? Because of a 1000 different reasons! Including avoidance of excessive risk to mother and baby from major surgery, maternal mental health (depression), and mode of delivery risk to baby. In a study published yesterday, Delivery Method Influences Microbial Communities in Newborns, they talk about how different even the bacteria on a newborn can be influenced by the way they were delivered.

Babies delivered via Cesarean section harbor a different ecosystem of bacteria than babies born vaginally…

…That difference could be why C-section babies experience higher rates of allergies, asthma, and infections with methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA).

The point is, even with a resulting healthy baby, there is a difference between cesarean and vaginal birth.

In 2007 the United States cesarean rate was 31.8%. That’s about 1 out of 3 babies being born by cesarean! People assume that the rate has gotten so high over the years because more women are opting for elective cesareans or more are necessary. According to surveys conducted, the women that are electing for a cesarean without medical need are not the cause of such a high rate. And the rate isn’t just going up for older or obese women with prior health risk, the rate is rising steadily for all age ranges and groups.

Why is this happening? An excellent article over at childbirthconnection.org discusses 7 factors that are contributing to the overall higher rates.

1. Less emphasis on a womens own ability to give birth.
2. Common interventions that often lead to higher risk for cesarean.
3. Refusal of informed choice in certain circumstances (like ability to VBAC)
4. Casual approach to surgical procedures by society as a whole.
5. Malpractice and lawsuit fears.
6. Limited awareness of ALL the risks involved.
7. Practices that practice in a way that is efficient (profitable in time/money) for providers.

These aren’t a catch-all, but can you see how with a lot of this 32% is possible? My question is…

If we can’t say for sure 5 – 15% is “the range” for cesarean births, what is? When will we finally say that something has to give. I agree there is no set number of cesareans that are safe or unsafe, but we should have goals! There still needs to be pressure on practices to reduce the rate, we need to inform patients, we need to support women and their babies to the healthiest and happiest start possible.

We all know that a lot of cesarean births are necessary, but there are a lot that are just as unnecessary. Just because it’s modern, faster, more-convenient (for everyone else), does NOT make it better. It does not make it OK to just let the rate climb and climb. I’m happy that it’s available, I’m not happy that it’s the automatic answer and fix-all.

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Does it matter if the cesarean rate continues to climb? Did you have a cesarean? Did you feel that during your care you were fully informed of the risks and benefits associated with cesarean? Was it your choice?

I looked for a doula when I was pregnant with K-Kitten. It was one of the first things I did actually. After a short search with no results, I just skipped it, assuming that it didn’t matter much anyway. Oh, how green was I?

Through K-Kitten’s birth, I did OK, with the exception of a few things. It was a quick birth, I didn’t curse too many people, and I had a wiggly love in my arms. It wasn’t until after we got home from the hospital and started getting bills that I really started to question how everything went.

There were things on the bill that just didn’t add up. After requesting an itemized statement for 6 months I finally got one in the mail (I was already in collections by then). Just some of the things on there that didn’t make sense:

• Oxygen tubing — I was never on oxygen. But they billed me for having it on-hand.
• MMR Booster — that I don’t remember getting. But it was “routine” for all mothers.
• Pain Pills — that I actively refused. But they were prescribed to me.

Unfortunately, apart from pulling my medical records, I talked with my insurance company and worked through the list — I’m still working on some of it, but we’re getting it taken care of.

Back on track, the bill made me realize how much of my hospital stay was not right. How I was being billed for things I’m 100% sure hadn’t happened. Then I realized I had no other family with me to back me up except my husband, and I can say that I’m sure he doesn’t remember how many times I got stuck with needles or what was in them.

I had no one with me to help explain what was happening, why they were doing something or needed to do something, or to advocate for me. Father Unexpected did his best to remember what I wanted and tell them that, but in the heat of the moment he reverted to his “medical experts know best” mentality and was basically just a hand to hold from that point forward.

I needed a doula. I wanted a doula. Next time, I’ll have a doula.

So, I started my search again. I found very few doulas in my area and only one relatively close by. I started asking around, a lot of women here have not even heard of a doula. So I start looking around on the requirements to become a certified doula. If anyone has information, I would love to have it, I keep getting more and more interested.

Then I read this:

It’s not news that the U.S. ends each calendar year with a new all-time high cesarean rate, but it may be news that Kentucky’s rate is even higher than the national average–7th in the nation for surgical birth.

7th in the NATION! I knew that my state stopped licensing midwives a long time ago, and that the only current credential they consider licensed is a Certified Nurse Midwife, I did not realize that these CNM’s are the only one’s that are capable of legally attending a home birth, but CNM’s are usually so closely employed by the medical community they only work within hospitals. Everyone else could potentially face a lawsuit for practicing without a license. There are only 24 states in the U.S. that license (or recognize licensed) midwives for home births and care. The law doesn’t care here where you give birth, but anyone attending in a professional capacity (apart from OBs and CNMs) would be there illegally.

I had not really considered home birth, but with the exception of giving birth without assistance, I will have to be ushered to a hospital to give birth there. Why would any hospital care about their policy if they know you pretty much have to go there? Especially in rural areas like the one I live, where each hospital could be hours apart and your choices are limited.

If you’re in Northern Kentucky, you’ve got a little more luck than I do. Louisville has The BirthCare Network, with valuable resources on doulas, midwives, and facilities.

I know there are women in Kentucky that have had homebirths, and have had doulas. I would love for you all to speak up. We need to know you’re out there. I want to find a doula, I want professional, educated, birth support for my next birth (whenever that may be)! But I have to be able to find you first! And maybe someone else is out there looking for you, just like me.

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Did you use a doula or a midwife? Have you had a homebirth? What are your state’s laws? Did you have any trouble finding a practicing doula or home birth midwife? Did they enrich or take away from your birth experience? Know something I don’t? Please tell me about it.

When I was still pregnant, Father Unexpected used to half-joke that if I wasn’t going to breastfeed he would have to tie me up to the bed and milk me like a cow. It was that important to him. I doubt he would have joked anything like that if I was not on board with breastfeeding. But since I was, it didn’t hurt to make some snide comments now and again, and the mental picture is quite hilarious to me.

I knew I wanted to breastfeed, I was always told it was best for babies. I figured I would breastfeed until she started solid foods around 4 months and we’d start weaning. I figured I would have my boobs back in a year or so, I didn’t know then that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommended not only exclusive breastfeeding for six months, but the continuance of breastfeeding for at least a year and beyond if mutually desired. I had never even heard of the World Health Organization or the fact that they recommend 2 years instead of just one like the AAP. I had no idea that everything I had ever seen being done wasn’t even recommended by either of these organizations. I figured I would be done with breastfeeding long before a year was up.

Originally, my decision to breastfeed had little to do with all the health benefits and great things that come from it… quite frankly, I was just cheap. I did not want to spend all that money on formula. Breastfeeding continues to be free. The most I have spent, has been on things that I didn’t have to have, but they just made things easier or made me feel better.

I didn’t take any breastfeeding classes, I did read everything I could come up with on the internet though, I guess I’m a pretty private person. The idea of having to sit in a class with a group of x number of couples/women (that I probably wouldn’t like much) did not sit right with me. I learned everything I know about latching and common problems from things I read on the internet. And let me tell you, I’m 100% positive that I was MORE informed than the nurses at the hospital I birthed at.

Kellymom.com I would have to say was my #1 resource the entire time I’ve been on this breastfeeding journey. The information I’ve found there (and the resources compiled there) have empowered me to stick to my guns about my decisions for my daughter and breastfeeding.

I didn’t think I would catch as much crap as I have for breastfeeding. I had always assumed that it was much more accepted than it really is. People are mean. People are ill-educated. My own mother-in-law has said some of the most mean and hurtful things to me. Something turned on inside of me, suddenly it wasn’t just about the money or giving it a try, it was about me, about my daughter, and about what was best for BOTH of us.

After seeing how hard it was, not the actual act of breastfeeding, but overcoming this outdated system we live with. I changed my whole perspective on life. Doctors are not to be taken without a grain of salt, we as patients have to remember we’re paying them for advice about how to take care of our own health. They do not have all the answers and as a matter of fact, try going to one or two about the same thing and I bet you’ll get a couple different answers.

I’ve switched pediatricians three times since K-Kitten was born. The first was convinced that I was going to do something to hurt my daughter because I was so adamant about no supplements and not giving cereal at 4 months (he’d freak if he knew that now 8 months into life she’s never had cereal). The next decided that because she was breastfed that she had to have iron supplements or she “would have developmental problems”. Finally, I’ve found a pediatrician, that may not agree with me, but doesn’t force her opinion she backs everything she has to say up and expects a fight from me. She is truly a “health advocate” and I expect nothing less.

Breastfeeding changed who I am, and how I look at myself.

I no longer go with the flow, accepting everything at face value. I stopped making decisions based on general opinion instead of fact. I stopped being a doormat.

And I am not alone.

I am a stronger, happier, more educated, and much more passionate woman.

Because of breastfeeding. Oh yeah, and breastfeeding keeps me sane. Seriously.

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How did breastfeeding impact your life? Did you have any particularly hard situations? Why did you want to breastfeed? Did you change your mind later? How long did you breastfeed? Did you take any classes? Was breastfeeding what you thought it would be?

“Breast is Best” has been the unofficial slogan for breastfeeding for as long as I can remember. I never really thought much of it, other than the fact that it has always stuck out in my mind. The Breastfeeding Network is wanting to change that. Lesley Backhouse, chair of TBN, wrote to the Department of Health in the UK asking that the use of the slogan be discontinued. Her argument was that we needed to quit treating breastfeeding as something special instead of something normal.

I expected when I read the article to hear about how the campaigners were calling it unfair or something along those lines. It threw me for a loop when I read on to discover that those that were calling to stop using the slogan were breastfeeding advocates. I understand that breastfeeding is normal and that they want to stop a push that may make it seem like only a select few are doing it, or that we’re part of a groovy ty-squad special club. The problem is, what will people say now?

Should we tout “Formula is an avoidable health risk.”? I don’t think that would go over so well, but apparently others think that that’s the type of slogan that should be out there. Lesley also stated:

“What we should be saying – and are intent on getting across – is that formula feeding is an avoidable health risk to babies.”

Unfortunately, the Department of Health‘s slogan isn’t even “Breast is Best”. As a matter of fact, all I can find on their website (which may have been changed between news reports and now) is “Breastfeeding — What could be more natural?”. Regardless of how you say it, the idea is to get the word out that breast milk is an exceptional food for babies and they thrive very well on it. I mean, breast milk isn’t just milk from breasts in this case, it’s human milk for human babies.

No matter what slogan you use or support, someone is going to feel that it’s a “guilt trip” on those that can’t/won’t/don’t breastfeed. Unfortunately, that’s the nature of the beast. There are too many opinions and misinformation in the world to be so cut and dry about it. Breastfeeding is the best scenario for a baby, but it’s not always possible.

We need to get the word out, that breastfeeding is doable in almost all cases (there are some genuine medical reasons that it can not be done or should be stopped) and that a majority of women stop because of bad information from someone they trust with good intentions. In every situation, we should not be playing the guilt card, but it should be a chance to inform women that their bodies are amazing and although it’s can be a tedious road to success, breastfeeding should be given a valiant effort.

In a perfect world, we wouldn’t need a slogan for breastfeeding, everyone would know that breastfeeding has so many benefits that are lacking in formula feeding. Sadly, there are still those out there that don’t even know where to start, or have that bad information. If we have to have a slogan just to start a conversation about breastfeeding I think “Breast is Best” is a fine choice. It’s short, sweet and to the point. It can sound condescending in the wrong context, but it’s a lot nicer than “Formula is an avoidable health risk” and I find you catch more flies with honey.

Our goal as breastfeeding advocates shouldn’t be to guilt or force breastfeeding. It should be to empower women to believe in their bodies, help them overcome their fears and obstacles, and support them in the decisions they make for themselves and their families regardless of what they may be.

An unofficial slogan is just that. Unofficial.

Instead of fighting to stop using a slogan that will probably be used anyway is a waste of time. We should be fighting for better maternity leaves, trained lactation professional care for new mothers, financial assistance for pumps and equipment, making milk bank milk more affordable/accessible for those that medically can not breastfeed, and most importantly helping mothers make the most informed decision they can regarding their families.

We can’t magically change everyone’s minds, but we can help them make up their own with the right information and support. Changing a slogan is not going to change society.

Breastfeeding is normal. Breastfeeding is better than formula in a lot of different ways. Was this always the way of thinking? NO. Has it always been true? YES. Should a slogan be the sole encouragement to breastfeed? NO.

A few words just aren’t enough. But a few words can get the ball rolling.

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Will changing the slogan change the way you feel about breastfeeding? Do you think it will change the minds of society? Does it make breastfeeding seem like something that only the “elite” can accomplish? What do you think would be a better slogan?

Ever since I had a baby, the most popular question I get asked when talking about her has been “Does she sleep through the night?” Most people seem almost disgusted when I tell them that she doesn’t, as if because of her sleep patterns I’m not doing something right. Or they have a thousand tricks to get her to sleep through the night, like it’s something that has to be done for her to be considered a “good” baby. I’ve heard all kinds of off the wall comments about K-Kitten’s sleep patterns.

• Put cereal in her bottle. She’ll sleep longer, because her tummy will stay fuller longer.
• Don’t let her naps go to long during the day. Wake her up so she’ll be more tired at night.
• If you put her to bed and she cries, don’t pick her up, she’ll learn to put herself to sleep.
• She doesn’t need to eat at night, she’s only doing it out of habit.

I will admit that some of those suggestions may work, some may not, and all are simply opinion, even researchers can’t agree.

I will never feed my baby cereal in a bottle, I’ve yet to feed her baby cereal, and she certainly wouldn’t get it in a bottle. There are too many dangers associated with cereal in bottles. Cereal is an empty calorie and apart from being an aspiration hazard in a bottle, it could lead to a child that over eats regularly. It can throw a babies full/empty tummy meter completely out of whack. Leading to…. you guessed it! Increased risk of Obesity.

Napping too much through the day could logically cause a baby to sleep less at night. I don’t have a problem with waking up my napping babe if we have to go somewhere or if it’s apparent she’s pooped all over herself (she’s notorious for not caring a lick about how dirty her diaper is). However, waking her up early from her naps usually leads to an extra nap before bedtime and actually causes her to stay up later than she would because of that extra nap. So, that still doesn’t affect the amount of time she sleeps at night for me.

Crying it out, or the Ferber method, has been fought for on both sides of the fence more times than I care to think about. There are a number of reasons for us and many others that cry-it-out is just not the solution. I’m sure there are those that would argue that there’s nothing detrimental with the cry-it-out method, but I just can’t listen to my little girl cry for us for any reason and ignore her on purpose. Everyone comments on how she’s such a happy baby, and I think our prompt response to her needs when it’s warranted is a contributing factor. I don’t rush to her rescue when it’s apparent she doesn’t need immediate attention (yeah, I know what she’s wanting when she cries), I do however console and remedy the issue before she gives up hope.

I see the Ferber method as “breaking” a child. Convincing them that they have no choice but to stay there and either amuse themselves or go to sleep because no one is coming. I think it backfires on parents as well. A parent that listens to their child cry and forces themselves to ignore it have a tendency to block out the cry in varying degrees all throughout the day and night.

In the case of eating at night, my little K-Kitten does need to eat at night. How do I know? Because she asks to eat. Other than her cues, she reverse cycled when I went back to working full time. On average a baby over 12lbs would eat 19 – 32 oz (estimates and a big variable), K-Kitten averages 8 – 15 oz while I’m gone to work. She nurses when I get home, once at bedtime, and once about 12am and then again at 6am. So she wakes up once at night to nurse. I’m OK with that, so it shouldn’t be an issue right? Unfortunately, everyone doesn’t see it that way. But I really don’t care about them.

So what’s a momma to do?! There are lots of more gentle way’s to get a baby to sleep, to stay asleep, and to put yourself in a better frame of mind to deal with night-waking. Some of those ways include:

• Create a routine. Babies thrive on routine, and are more likely to go to sleep when they “know” it’s bedtime.
• Fresh air and exercise. Maybe not for the fresh air, but being in a house all day is boring. Engage their minds.
• Consistent napping, one missed nap could lead to a lot of trouble. Cranky babies are a lot less likely to go to sleep without a fight.

Most of all, there’s no right and wrong way to do things as a parent. What I do for my children could be exactly what you would never do. If everything was one-size-fits all, then there wouldn’t be so many different ways to do things. Just don’t do something because someone else thinks that’s how the world needs to be. Be informed, make up your own mind. Please though, get the information, and remember that just because what I do wouldn’t be what you would do, it doesn’t make me a failure/bad parent/monster.

My baby doesn’t sleep through the night, and I’m not gonna make her.

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Has someone looked at you like you were a bad parent because of a milestone like sleeping through the night? Does your baby sleep through the night? Did you use cry-it-out with success? Does night-waking bother you?

I worked full time before I had K-Kitten. I returned to my full time position only 6 weeks after her birth (three weeks of which were unpaid). I had a lot of reservations about going back to work, I could not imagine running off and leaving this tiny little creature without it’s momma for almost 10 hours a day. I did not sleep for days before I had to return to work. I worried about keeping up my milk supply, I hate pumping, and I fretted that something would happen while I was gone.

Before I returned to work, I purchased a double electric pump. I have a hate-hate relationship with that thing. I hate using it, I hate cleaning it, and I hate the numbers it provides me. I didn’t like having to look at the fact that I brought home x number of ounces vs the x number of ounces she ate. It’s a correlation that never occurred to me when she only ate straight from the tap.

Now that K-Kitten is 8 months old and I’ve been doing this for a while, the numbers don’t concern me as much as they used to. I’ve fought to make time to pump at work, which is increasingly hard to do when working in the field, and I have yet to have to supplement (although I thought I might have to a few times). I have never questioned my decision to pump at work, but there are some out there that feel that it’s a hardship on finances, career, and family relationships.

In this post, The Economic Consequences of Breastfeeding, there are arguments stating that breastfeeding and returning to work has an impact on mother’s income and overall finances of the household. It states, “…While a can of premium formula comes with a premium price tag, feeding infants with formula uses less of one of mom’s most precious resources: time.” I have to completely disagree with this. In the 30-minutes (give or take) daily that I spend with my pump, using and cleaning, and the time it takes my husband/caregiver to warm breastmilk and feed her, I couldn’t buy a high-priced latte. I can see how some mothers that choose to continue breastfeeding may decide to take more time to do so (a reduction in hours, etc.), but this is a choice, and not a cause-effect situation. If I chose to breastfeed and magically got a pay-cut, that would be different, but I am proof that it can be done without losing a dime at work. I’d like to think that I’ve missed less work because of breastfeeding.

Working, pumping, and being a “full-time” mom at home too, can be overwhelming. I feel guilty for it, but I look at my job as my “paid vacation”. I can only talk about baby poop, play peek-a-boo, and blow rasperries so much. Working forces me to get out and have some adult time. Because of that adult time, I feel I can fully dedicate myself to my daughter with a clear head and a lot more patience even after a stressful day at work. Being exhausted comes with the territory of being a working mom. It takes a lot of organization, perseverance, and planning skill that honestly I didn’t think that I had. Taking care of yourself and keeping a routine are mentioned frequently and I completely agree that there are things that you need to do to successfully work and parent without being overwhelmed.

I feel proud that both my husband and I work full-time and do whatever we have to do to provide the best life we can to our darling daughter, since neither of us make enough to live off of solely. Being a parent is hard work, no matter what way you look at it. I do wonder though, if my choice to work full-time outside of the home will affect K-Kitten in the long run.

There is an increasing number of statements arising that are directly related to working mothers and all kinds of side effects that this may have have on children. Just recently a study by a team at London University College links not only a parent’s body mass index, but their employment status to a higher risk of childhood obesity in their children. A Reuters Health article stated this about the study:

Children of mothers who worked full-time were 48 percent more likely to be overweight or obese than children of non-working mothers. That was with factors such as socioeconomics, parents’ weight and breastfeeding (which some studies have linked to a lower risk of childhood obesity) taken into account.

I don’t think working moms directly attribute to childhood obesity. Indirectly though, I believe that some working households could do better in terms of food choices based on convenience instead of health of the family as a whole. I try to make the best choices for my family in every aspect, and continuing to work is one of those choices I had to make. I think that because I work, my life and my daughter’s, is more enriched and exciting. I want to raise her to be an independent, strong, and financially savvy woman, and to do that I think I need to continue to work, aspire to new things, and of course… pay those bills.

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Do you work outside of the home? Do you enjoy a little time away from baby, or do you count the seconds until you’re reunited? Would you like to be a stay at home mom? Do you think a mother working has an adverse affect on the children?

This is probably your average birth story, but this one day changed my life so profoundly that while I’ve forgotten bits and pieces (due to my dose of staydol), it sent me down this winding road of motherhood that I never thought I would travel.

I was a lucky pregnant lady — morning all-day sickness until 14 weeks that turned off like a switch, through the floor blood pressure,       excellent lab work, and ultrasounds all looked wonderful. I had picked my due date before we ever went to the doctor and it was pretty much spot on. If you’ve never seen it or used it, MonthlyInfo is a site where you can track that pesky monthly cycle. It’s the reason I noticed that I was late, and later helped me determine my due date.

I loved my OB, he was wonderful. I never missed a visit and I remember him scolding me only once for gaining 7 pounds in a month (we were aiming for only four). He answered all of my questions without hesitation and reassured me when I needed reassurance. In retrospect though, some of those answers should have been giant red flags to me about the hospital and their policy. I never attended birth classes (I”m glad I didn’t, they were not much in the way of helpful — Bradley is unheard of here) and there are no doulas or birth assistants anywhere to be found.

Wednesday morning October 14th 2009 I was awaken by a contraction at exactly 6am. I went back to sleep wondering if it was actually a contraction or a braxton-hicks contraction that everyone was telling me would be perfectly normal to have since I had never had any. An hour later, another one came. At 8am I got out of bed when I woke with another one, at the beginning of that week I had started to work from home in anticipation of K-Kitten’s arrival due on the 20th. Now that my contractions had started, I had planned on telling them that I would not be working today at all. Unfortunately, the phone system at the office had other plans for me.

The office called me at 9am and asked me to come in, the phone system was down (of course I was the only one with a hand in the configuration). They sent our controller/HR/Accounting lady (the only other lady in the office) to come get me so I would not have to drive. I worked the entire day with contractions about an hour apart. Side note: I fixed the phone system. I got home around 6:30pm.

No real progress, contractions were steady at one hour apart, and I was comfortable. As a matter of fact, I was choosing my “get pumped” music for labor and delivery. My choice song at the time — I Will Not Bow – Breaking Benjamin. At 8pm, contractions sped up to about every 30 minutes apart.

Father Unexpected was working a 24-hour shift (he’s an EMT), so I decide to call him and let him know he should not be taking any out of town runs — but I think it will be a while yet he needn’t worry. By 9pm, contractions had sped up to 15 minutes apart. At this point, I call FU back and tell him he needs to come home that things are speeding up and I’d rather he be home.

It’s a 30 mile drive from his workplace home, I’m 100% positive he made it home faster than should actually be possible considering the types of roads between here and there. We finish packing by 10pm, I take a nice long shower, eat some around 11pm (since I was pretty sure they wouldn’t allow me to eat), and I refused to leave until I could not stand the contractions without wincing. We left the house at 11:30pm, my contractions were 10 minutes apart and moderately painful, my water had not broken yet.

The rest goes pretty fast.

We got to the hospital at 12am on the 15th. Contractions were 5 minutes apart when we timed them in the car (it gave me something to do). They put me in this little room to “verify the labor” and sat me in a chair! I mean really?! I’m going to sit in a chair and answer questions while having contractions. They decide that I REALLY am in labor and they put me in the crappy gown and started the IV — the IV that I didn’t want, but my husband wanted (unfortunately, he’s all for medical interventions like that and fetal monitoring). I agreed to the IV and baseline fetal monitoring as long as I wanted to stay in bed.

Sadly, the first thing my little nurse — dressed in a blue jeans skirt and white long-sleeved blouse — said to me “I’ll call the anesthesiologist and we’ll make sure you can get your epidural.”. She did a double-take when I refused. I HATE needles! There is no way on this good earth that I could let someone stick a needle in my back and make me go numb from that point down, ain’t gonna happen people. The next three nurses that walked into the room each asked me if I wanted an epidural. I finally had to tell them that I was aware of all the pain relief options available to me and I would ask if I required any of them.

It’s 1am and my nurse has strapped the fetal monitors on me, checked me — 3cm, contractions are 1 min apart almost back to back, and asked if this was my first child. I’m scolded repeatedly for flopping around like a fish trying to get comfortable and making it ‘hard to get a reading on the baby moving around so much’. After some fussing, she said she would be back in an hour to check on me, to call if I needed anything. Not 15 minutes after she walked out of the room my water broke, and dear all that is holy, on came the pain.

I screamed, then I pressed the nurse call button… I screamed, then I pressed the nurse call button. My nurse walks in and I tell her that my water broke, she checks. Nonchalantly she informs me that I’m 6 cm, my water did break, and that she would be back in a minute to get my information it would probably still be a while before I had the baby. It was then I realized that they’ve not even finished checking me in! It’s almost 2am and I’m in full-blown labor and they’re asking me admission questions!

They did manage to get my hospital bracelets on me and officially check me into the hospital about 2:40am.

I was loud, and no one liked it. I know they didn’t. One nurse came in and “joked” that I was scaring everyone else on L&D, that everyone was scheduled for inductions. I was thinking in the back of my mind, How dare she?! If I’m going to be paying 4,000 dollars out of my pocket because of my high-deductible insurance I will labor in anyway I damn well please. Besides, screaming is how I cope with pain. Really, it works for me, I scream and let it all out, it’s my personal admission that there’s nothing I can do for it to stop it so I have to cope.

I don’t know the exact time, but I know it wasn’t long after I had my bracelets on, I got the urge to push. I frantically pushed on that nurse call button with no luck. Finally I sent FU to fetch my nurse. Turns out my nurse call button was not working all night, my screams seemed to get some attention though. I open my eyes when they come rushing back into the room for a moment, I’m taking a break between a contraction. The next thing I know “Honey, I”m giving you something to take the edge off”, and she had ALREADY given it to me! I had the mind about me to ask what it was, Staydol. I did not want this. I was 8 cm, had been suffering for hours, and I thought I was doing damn good.

After my dose of staydol, everything went to shit for me. I discover, they’ve not paged the doctor yet, he’s at least 15 minutes out. They’re making me lay down because they’re doing internal exams, K-Kitten is station one, they’re begging me not to push, and I dilate to 10 while this girl tells me about my baby’s hair and she’s doing another exam. For those of you that have had children, you know that telling a laboring woman that feels that overwhelming need to push it’s like telling a patient who has dyslexia to go read Faulkner.

By the time the Doctor arrives, it’s a hit and run situation. At this point things get really fuzzy as the staydol really kicks in. The contractions still really sucked just as bad as previously, although when I was finally allowed to push the pain was much more tolerable. I remember this one thing — between one of my contractions, they actually asked me if I was alright. When my contractions would subside, they thought I was going into shock, I couldn’t move/talk/hold my eyes open because of the staydol, it was like I was a drunk giving birth.

I ended up having an episiotomy that I did not want, because guess what?! I had no idea they were doing it. I did ask for a local anesthetic, and I’m really happy I did, but I don’t think that gave the doctor explicit permission to cut me just because I was already numb.

15 minutes of active pushing and my daughter was born. They let Father Unexpected cut the cord, did a quick check of her (FU caught this on video — I don’t remember her first cries, but I have them on video), let me hold her a minute, then cleaned her up while I got stitched up. She was thirty minutes old when I got to breastfeed her for the first time. She is my little baby barracuda, but that’s another story in and of itself. There is video of me talking to the camera talking about ‘booby’, I regret it, but I was so out of it.

I had a short and relatively uneventful birth experience. I hate to sound like a complainer (which is what I’ve been told a lot), but I really wish that dose of staydol never happened. I have searched all over the internet and locally since I gave birth and found that I am not alone in feeling so used. Used for the convenience of someone else. The goal isn’t just for a healthy baby, but a healthy baby and mother — mentally, physically, and everything in-between. If I knew then, what I know now — I could have prevented that dose of staydol and I would be able to remember my baby’s first breath and the first hours of her life without having to refer to a video.

I welcomed K-Kitten into this world October 15th 2009 at 3:24 am. She was 6lbs 14oz and 20 inches long.

I’m not a praying person, as a matter of fact, I’m on-the-fence about weather or not there’s a God out there or not. That’s an entirely different story though.

I do believe in hope and I know someone that can use all the hope and warm thoughts they can get. If you’re a praying person, please send a prayer her way.

A girl I knew from high school (never knew her well) I started to keep in touch with on Facebook again. She was pregnant with her third child. About a week ago there were some complications and she was having contractions, she was about 2 months from her due date. They found that she had about 8x the amniotic fluid she should and there was fluid on the baby’s lungs.

After draining all of the fluid it came back days later. A couple days ago they made the decision to deliver early by cesarean. Momma is recovering and is OK. Baby is in NICU and is not responding well to the respirator. They are preparing to send him to one of the top three Children’s hospitals in the US.

I can’t imagine what this family is going through right now. I ask that everyone just think about them for a moment, send them a warm fuzzy. Even if they never hear it, it can’t hurt to try. Everything is worth a shot.

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Breaking news: They decided on the baby’s first name — Gavin. No new news on his condition. Warm wishes baby Gavin!

I’ve looked at this blog for 24 hours now and can not think of a single thing to write. I’ve got a thousand ideas and none of them seem like a good starting point. I want to tell everyone my birth story, about my adventures in breastfeeding K-Kitten, about my transformation into becoming a mom, but I guess I just need to start with who I am.

I grew up in the smallest little po-dunk (read: tiny & insignificant) town one could imagine. I am an only child, children with siblings are an enigma to me. I couldn’t fathom why anyone would want to share all their things. My father worked in the coal mines when I was very small, just like everyone’s father did.

My mother was diagnosed with leukemia when I was still small. So small, I don’t really recall how old I was. I was still in elementary school — I only remember this because I can remember having to leave school to have a TB test done. I was terrified! After spending about a year in UK hospital, my mother went into remission and came home. I’m happy to report that she’s still in remission and thoroughly enjoying being “Lola” (‘grandmother’ in Tagalog — she’s Filipino).

The coal mines shut down, we went bankrupt, mom was totally disabled…. the rest of my childhood we lived off chump change. I started working 10 hours a week at a daycare in town when I was 14 — maybe that’s when I decided I didn’t want to have kids originally. I’ve worked every day since. I went to college, got an Associates Degree and moved far-far (ok more like 2 hours) away from that po-dunk little town.

I work for a computer company now, I’m the ONLY female technician at the company. I’ve heard it discussed… I’m just ‘one of the guys… with a nice rack‘. Gotta love the guys. I especially love it when they have to take up for me when we’re on-site on a job and I need to pump. They’re so cute.

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So who are you? Where are you from? What do you do? What are your interests? I can’t wait to meet you!

My name is Lara, or Mother Unexpected. I am a network technician in the southern hills of Eastern Kentucky. I married my high school sweetheart, albeit five years after high school. I have an Associates Degree in Network Administration and I like to think I’m pretty darn smart about a few things.

I became a parent on October 15th 2009. I became a mother sometime between then and now.

A long time ago, the thought of becoming a mother never occurred to me as a possibility (just ask my parents, they were as surprised as anyone to find out that Unexpected was expecting). I never thought I would breastfeed, baby-wearing was something that wasn’t done in America, and Doctors were always right. Now I find that I don’t trust Doctors as much more than educated schooled advisors, breastfeeding is something that everyone should attempt with gusto, and baby-wearing is a necessity.

When I gave birth, I had a birth that ALMOST went completely according to plan. One small thing, a dose of staydol, haunts me and made me feel like all control was ripped away from me for the convenience of everyone else in the delivery room. I felt like another tick on someone’s to-do list and although I have a beautiful daughter to show for it, I can’t get over it.

I feel that I needed to start this blog for a million different reasons, I started it for only one:

Information, experience, and support can save so much heartache. I want to share my love, joy, fears, and most of all hope. I want to inspire.

Expect to read about breastfeeding, baby-wearing, cultural stigmas we face in America, and anything else you can think of. I want to meet you, please feel free to leave me comments of a constructive nature (no bashing please, adult discussion welcome). My blog is still under serious contruction and will find it’s permanent home soon. If you find me before then, I still want to hear from you!

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Edit: 6/15/2010 3:13pm — http://www.motherunexpected.com is live and running. This blog has found it’s permanent home, now to work on the look. Tell your friends!