Mother Unexpected

I’m having a REALLY hard time keeping my away-from-home milk supply up. My freezer stash is down to less than half of what it was when I started back to work. I’m only pumping about half as much to take home as I was when I first started as well. So, here I am. I have to do something, I want my milk supply back in a bad way and I guess I’m going to have to fight to get it back if I can.

Everyone ready to see the plan of action?

• Start pumping twice a day again. I had to drop down to once a day due to time constraints.
• Stop/cut back on my smoking. Stress. That’s all I can say about that.
  
• Make a genuine effort to eat right. No more skipping breakfast and having gas-station lunches.
• Quit looking in the freezer. I just get more dissappointed, and wonder why I’m even trying.

I’ve started pumping twice a day again, starting today. As a matter of fact, I’m pumping as I type. I may actually have some power pumping — great overview of power pumping from Ain’t No Mom Jeans linked –sessions at home and over the weekend this week. I’m probably going to reserve galactagogues for the last resort, I’ve never been much on “taking” anything.

My hopes are if I can get back into the habit of pumping more, eating right — getting those much needed calories, and stop worrying and stressing so much, I can get a little bit taller milk tower in the freezer and quit panicking every time FU wants to go out for an evening alone and leave K-Kitten with his mom. She’s old enough now that I shouldn’t worry so much, that and FU tends to fix her too much milk in hopes of a lovely mid morning nap.

Maybe it’s just where K-Kitten has started eating more solids that I’m just plain out freaking. But regardless…

I’m. Not. Done. Yet!

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Have you ever struggled with low milk supply? Were you able to recover? Did you have to supplement? How old were your nurslings? Any suggestions?

We should be in Chantilly, VA right now. But we’re not.

Last Friday was just one of those days — you know, the kind that just couldn’t possibly go right — and after a long battle with work, they decided to cancel the training and in turn cancel the trip all together. So here are FU and I ready to take off on a 9 hour drive in 48-hours and suddenly we’re not doing anything. Monday will be the same ole’ shit.

Not to mention, FU took ALL of his remaining vacation time from work so we could go to Chantilly. Now his shifts are filled, we can’t change that, and it ultimately means… we don’t get a real vacation. Again.

Later that night I go out with one of my co-workers and his wife and we have a genuine good time. Some alcohol was involved, but mostly it was just good company and good stories. The live mariachi band helped lighten the mood too. FU called me and told me to find a hotel we were packing it up.

We left for Gatlinburg, TN Saturday morning since we had a little extra money for our Chantilly trip and had a dog sitter all lined up for Sadie anyway. It’s only a 2 hour drive, but it was better than nothing. We came home late Sunday with way too many new baby clothes and K-Kitten got LOTS of happy baby compliments. Which just made me an uber-proud mommy.

I go into work yesterday half thinking they would have came up with an evil conspiracy plot to fire me by now, but they haven’t and I am grateful. Although, the reasons behind the canceled trip are less than encouraging. I get home yesterday FU decides to take his motorcycle out (since he’s on vacation, and he’s selling it soon) and K-Kitten and I had a grand time.

She started saying “ba – ba – ba” and smacking her lips, so here I’ve been running around the house like a lunatic ba-ba’ing and popping my lips. I love it. I’ve just had a particularly stressful few days and would have really liked and preferred to be writing this blog from the comfort of our lovely hotel in Chantilly. Oh well, Murphy’s Law right?

We’re going to Chantilly, VA next week! I have a training there for work that’s going to keep me there all week. I told my employer that I couldn’t leave K-Kitten for a week since I’m still breastfeeding and they agreed to let me drive and take Father Unexpected and K-Kitten with me! I of course have to pay any of the extra expense, but I also don’t have to pump and ship breastmilk back home either, my freezer supply has been dwindling (I’m pretty sure because I’m lazy and don’t pump as much as I should at work, I’m trying to get back in the habit) and there would not be enough to last a week.

K-Kitten and Sadie

I’m pretty excited about this trip, but we have to leave our doberman, Sadie, at home. So we’ve got a co-worker of mine and a co-worker of FU to house sit for us. It’s a pretty sweet deal actually, stay in the house, eat our food, make a little cash, and all you have to do is open the back door a few times a day and put out some water and dog food in the mornings. She’s my first baby though and I will still get terribly worried about her I’m sure.

Although this trip isn’t simply a vacation — oh, how I wish it were — I believe we’ll still have a good time. I’ll be in class most of the day through the week, but after class on Friday we’re going to stay an extra day or so and get in some more sights around Washington, D.C. I have never been too excited about Washington, and it wasn’t really on my list of “places I gotta see”, but we’ll be there and everything really to see is free. Oh yeah, and I’m cheap. So welcome to our vacation this year.

K-Kitten went to the pediatrician last Friday. She was 20lbs and 27 1/2 inches long! I can’t believe that she’s already crawling and pulling up and eating finger foods. I’m a little concerned about her speech though, she’s still not saying “da da” or “ma ma” but it’s not really that late and she’s right on target with everything else. She’s got all those vowel sounds down though, trust me, she howls!

Can you feel the love?

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What are you doing for vacation? Are you taking your little one along? Do you have to take work trips out of town? What did you have to do to leave your baby when you were breastfeeding? Or did you just pack everyone up and take them with you?

Much to my dismay, I had to shave my legs last night. I had been putting it off for quite some time now, I looked a little like a mountain woman for all the hairy-ness. It got me to thinking about all the weird things that happen to you while you’re pregnant, since the whole time I didn’t have to shave my legs.

When I was pregnant, all I had ever heard of was that your hair would grow faster and thicker. The hair on my head did, it was lush and beautiful. The hair on my legs, however, stopped growing completely and even fell out! I shaved my legs once the entire time I was pregnant. I was really hoping that they would magically stay that way, baby smooth, and fuss-free.

I was thankful even more because late in my second trimester, I couldn’t reach all of my long legs anymore to shave them even if I had to. Since I had no hair on my legs and the hair on my head looked and felt better than ever, I wondered how two parts of my body could have such different ideas for it’s hair.

The best explanation I can come up with is the fact that hair doesn’t actually grow faster or stronger during pregnancy (well maybe a little, hormones can be strange like that), but more hair stays in the resting phase. Where hair doesn’t grow and falls out before allowing new hair to grow in it’s place. This resting phase generally gets switched off after birth and small bunnies begin falling off of your head.

And in my case… even though it took a little longer to grow back en force — the hairs on my legs stopped resting and came back in all it’s furry glory. All the while my hair on my head fell out in clumps. If it didn’t get so hot in the summer, I would just wear jeans all the time.

Just another of those things that I can chalk up to “I was pregnant, damn that was weird.”

And just like in most cases, weird is synonymous with pregnancy changes (I’ll blame it on the hormones, even though I’m a little weird).

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Did you experience anything during pregnancy that was “strange” or you didn’t expect? Did you get lush bouncy hair or were you a hair disaster? Anyone else hate shaving as much as I do? Oh yeah, I hope everyone had a great holiday!

I push through every day of my motherhood with a confidence even a lion would be proud of. At least that’s what I let everyone see, even I find myself second-guessing my decisions almost on a daily basis. Especially when I see all the differences between myself and some of my other mother kin in my area. As far as I know, I’m the only breastfeeding, baby-wearer in the bunch (so I’m pretty much the odd-ball out). I worry that I’m going to get scolded again by my pediatrician or even other mothers. I keep telling myself that I make the best decisions with the information and research I have, and that I’m open to changing my course, but it still makes me worry.

K-Kitten and myself! Easter 2010 -- My little doll!

I tell myself that it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks. That’s a lie. I do care very much if people think I’m a bad mom, not because I care about their thoughts, but because I want to be a good mom and I need a little reassurance. Reassuring yourself all the time is frustrating and makes me feel like I’m trying to put myself above everyone else.

Some of the decisions I’ve made, don’t really seem like a big deal, but the more I over-analyze, the more I worry. Like my choice to not feed my daughter baby cereal, instead I chose to feed iron rich natural foods and cream of wheat (that my husband and I eat). I also don’t follow a strict eating schedule with her, and I’m terrified that she’s going to be iron deficient or low and that my pediatrician will proceed to tell me what a horrible mother I am. I’ve done all the math and I’m pretty sure that we’re in the green as far as iron intakes, but it still scares me.

K-Kitten’s 9-month check-up is coming up the 16th of this month. I guess it’s got my nerves all in a bunch since they’ll be doing blood work and specifically checking for anemia this visit. I’m more nervous about this visit than visits where she has to get vaccinations. It’s like this is the visit where the results of those tests will be my PASS/FAIL in the motherhood department.

I’m miserable. I keep telling myself that if she is anemic, we can adjust, we can fix it. Then though, wouldn’t my decision really have been bad? Should I just stuff her full of the artificially iron enhanced baby cereal that she doesn’t like (she had it once) and constipates her? Is the iron from the cereal and my breast milk and her food too much? Really, all I hear about is how iron poisoning is one of the most common poisonings in young children.

What’s a mom to do? I’ve thought long an hard about it… and I’ve done everything right and second guessing myself is a good thing! If I second guess myself I seek more information. I re-learn everything I know and sometimes get new information on new research that I need to take into account. So I will take my PASS/FAIL badge from my pediatrician and adjust accordingly. She doesn’t get to tell me I’m a bad mom, and she can’t tell me how to raise my child, she can only tell me about the things that need to change and suggest ways of doing so.

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So tell me, do you second guess yourself as a mom? What have been some of the situations where you have second-guessed yourself the most? Do you feel like you are judged by your peers? Or do you ignore them?