Mother Unexpected

Can you tell that I was pregnant?

Hold the phone. You heard me right. I was a pregnant bride. Wasn’t really planned that way, honestly, it was barely planned at all. I wasn’t prepared for the shit storm that it caused either. It’s funny how everyone else seems to have a say in something so personal.

There were a lot of things going on in our life. We found out we were pregnant with K-Kitten in February, we were looking for a home to buy for almost a year and being pregnant kicked that hunt up a notch. We had just found a nice little home on a half acre of land and put in an offer. After fighting back and forth offer after offer for another home we seen this one and decided it was worth a try. They were asking 65k which was outside of our budget, but we decided all they could do was tell us no. We offered 60k if they would put 3% toward our closing. They accepted.

Just after we found out they accepted our offer we got a call that my Mammy (my paternal grandmother) was on her way to the hospital. To make a long and agonizing story short, she had suffered a hemorrhagic stroke and she never got to see her great-grandbaby. The day of her funeral… we signed on our house.

The next day Father Unexpected and I were sitting in my Mammy’s house and looking through her old pictures and things with my parents when we started talking about our plans to get married. We had been together for 8 years and it never really came up in conversation, mostly because it didn’t really make much difference to me if we had a piece of paper or not. FU suggested that we get married. I was completely opposed to the idea at first. Not only did I not want to get married only “because I was pregnant”, but I didn’t want to get married pregnant. Especially 7 months pregnant, I felt ugly and not at all bride material.

The Kiss

Finally we decided that we would go ahead with it. All I wanted was pictures and a dress. My mother made my dress for me just like I always envisioned that she would (although I had to rethink the style). In total we spent two weeks and $600 on our entire wedding. We had a very small ceremony at our state park where we grew up and an open reception/pot-luck at my mom’s home after. Our wedding ceremony lasted all of 10 minutes and I think that only one of us said vows. We didn’t record it, as this was something that apart from photos we wanted to remember ourselves.

I remember when we were planning everything that I got to where I didn’t even want to tell anyone that I was getting married, because of the conclusions everyone went immediately to. I’ve never had more people ask me if “I was sure” that I was doing the right thing. Just because I was pregnant didn’t mean that I didn’t love him the last eight years of my life and that it made getting married any different. We just faced the facts that paternity paperwork doesn’t exist when you’re married, and with a dependent there was no tax problems as a married couple that we would have been faced with had we been married without a child.

Now can you tell?

Why didn’t you wait? That’s probably the biggest question I get asked. I didn’t wait, because we didn’t want to. We didn’t want the added stress of having a new baby in the house and trying to plan something so monumental. We wanted to do something just for us before the baby arrived, we wanted to have this moment after so much heartache, if only to reconfirm our already unwavering love for each other.

Would you do it again if you could do it over? Yes, in a heartbeat. K-Kitten got to be a very big part of my special day. We danced with our unborn daughter at our wedding…. how much better does it get?

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My dedication to NaBloPoMo sucked this weekend. I just don’t do responsibility well on my few days that I have so few. I’m going to try to figure out a way to write the posts and schedule them for next weekend. Sorry, I’m pushing myself to do better

Already a gamer at heart.

It’s been hotly debated for… well, since I started playing video games at the tender age of 3, about the effect on video games and television on children. It’s one of those things that people tend to either be on one side, the other, or straddling the middle. You either feel that no television/video games should be seen by children, that it’s perfectly fine for children, or that there might be some things that can wait a while. I’m firmly on the fence about the content debate, but weather I would or wouldn’t allow K-Kitten to watch or play video games? I fall square on my ass in the YES camp.

When we are talking about content, K-Kitten will be much older before actively playing  a zombie game, not necessarily for the gore or violence, but mostly due to the fear factor. I can remember watching my dad play Doom when I was little. I LOVED doing anything with my dad, I was a daddy’s girl after all, even if it scared the be-jeebuz out of me. The gore never bothered me, the guns and shooting never bothered me, it was the monsters! To this day, those monsters still creep me out. Let me guess the list of baddies that will attack our young when we let them play video games.

Violent video games make children more violent adults. I can agree that there may be some violent play in your house, I can remember playing “Mortal Combat” on the trampoline with my cousins, but I think there’s a big difference between conscious play/roughhousing and actual violence. I never remember anyone being hurt playing our game on the trampoline or playing G.I. Joe using the culvert as the “trenches”. Looking at the statistics juvenile violent crime rates have been going down since 1993. Children are much more aware of the world around them than we might think, trying to protect them from ever seeing violence may leave them unprepared for the real world. Unfortunately, our world is filled with violence and hate.

Video games aren’t teaching our children anything worthwhile. Games aren’t the same as they were when the only place you could find them was the arcade. To play most video games now, even simple made-for-kid games, it requires a wide skill set and knowledge. We’re not talking about just hand-eye, but all forms of thinking as defined in Bloom’s Taxonomy. You have to memorize special key sets or combinations, work through elaborate puzzles and riddles, move quickly and deliberately, re-evaluate and create strategy, and apply personal sets of skills to complete tasks. Doesn’t sound like the brain will be gathering any dust to me.

Our kids will become social hermits and never leave the house again…. worse yet, they’ll never move out of MY house! Lets see, I can see how some children honestly would stay locked up in their room playing video games for the rest of their life. I could have probably done it, but I personally see a few fatal flaws. I didn’t have anyone that would cater to a self-destructive lifestyle, and life really wasn’t that boring. As a matter of fact, even when I was playing video games, most of them were Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games (MMORPGs) where I made some life-long friends, I think that counts as “social”. Some introverts may even call the interactions they have in their online worlds are more satisfying than face-to-face interactions, the relationships that can be formed can be just as integrated and intimate. There’s a real danger of pathological gaming, but in a study of 3,000, 90% of them did not show signs of pathological gaming or addiction.

Too many children are uninterested in technology, especially girls. I work as a computer network technician and I face that fact every day. I’m working in a male dominated field and it doesn’t appear to be changing fast. I want K-Kitten to grow up exposed to technology, to the fun and entertainment it can provide, to the intricacies and work it can perform. I want to teach her the difference between simulated violence and the horrors of real violence. I want to be close as she embarks on her own moral and personal building journeys. It is our job to teach, guide, and protect, but it’s not our job to shield them from all of life’s horrors and disappointments. Our goals as parents are to raise well-adjusted, independent, strong adults.

Since K-Kitten is a girl, I think it is especially important to show her the world from a different perspective (I’m not talking pink and frilly here people). I’ve worked my whole life proving myself, in my field of work, in my competence, and in my skill with everything from cars to writing. If playing video games is something she likes to do, we’re going to do it with her. Besides, research suggests that playing age-appropriate video games with daughters can make them happier, more connected, less aggressive, and less depressed.

We're not paying for that.

I’m about to lose my group health insurance through my employer. The rates are going up 35% for a $6,000 deductible HSA plan. The company cannot afford to pay it, and we have dropped below the minimum number of employees that have it to keep the group rate. I’ve been having to look into getting an individual plan for myself and K-Kitten. My employer is trying to work out a plan to give us additional pay or incentive to be able to afford individual insurance, since they would no longer be paying for our benefit or putting $2,000 a year into our HSA funds.

Individual insurance has so far been significantly cheaper. The group plan was costing about $370 (my portion and the company portion) per month with a $6,000 deductible. Really it did no good unless it was preventative or a very, very bad visit, but I had rather have it than not have it. In 2009 when I found out we were having K-Kitten it was very fortunate that I had it (deductible was only $4,000 then). It saved me from having to pay upwards of $16,000. I’m still paying the $4,000 off though.

For an individual plan I could get a plan that would allow me to continue to have an HSA and cut my deductible down to $3,000 for $310 dollars a month. But there’s one thing…

No maternity benefits. Period.

They’re making their money by selling you insurance they hope you’re not going to use. As a female, they expect that you will be having or wanting children and they don’t want to spend the money on that. They now specifically state that they will not cover any visits, tests, or anything relating to labor and delivery. As a matter of fact it gets it’s own statement on the quote. “Maternity Coverage: Not Covered”

A lot of the plans, including the one I mentioned above, maternity coverage can not even be added. The plans that do allow it to be added, are non HSA, require the highest deductible, are only at best 80/20 or 70/30 plans and raise the premium by almost $75 dollars a month.

Better yet, there’s a 12-month waiting period in my state. Meaning they would not have to cover any maternity related fees if the child was determined to be concieved (not delivered) before the 12-month waiting period is up.

Now, we weren’t planning on adding to our family just yet, but it’s something that has been on my mind. We don’t want to wait too long if we decide that we would like to expand. Seeing this just started to make me wonder, how could people that make too much money to qualify for state assistance, but not enough to pay $10,000 in medical bills, but they could otherwise afford to care for another child, ever have children.

I don’t like that the fact that my health insurance can choose to not provide coverage to pay for over-inflated medical costs like childbirth. The closest free standing birth center to me is over an hour away and even then several thousand dollars will be hard to swallow, but it would be manageable (provided no unforseen complications arose). Just because we are women does not mean we should be denied access to coverage.

I started doing research on independant supplemental maternity insurance, and while in 2009 I remember there being plenty of companies offering it, now they’re few and far between. Even those look shady and not really a company I would like to do business with.

Women already pay upwards of 20% more than men for health insurance, now we will have to pay even more to have children. Either we’ll be paying higher premiums (if we can get coverage added) or higher hospital bills. Sure, they’ll cover well-child visits as preventative, but they will not cover anything until you go home after childbirth.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Did you end up with mountains of medical bills? Did you have maternity coverage that didn’t exactly cover what you thought it would?

Life has an uncanny way of making it difficult to know exactly where you’re going, or how you’re going to get somewhere. I’ve been trying to make my home-based business work out, however with the CPSIA, everything I’ve worked so hard at is going to be illegal or too expensive to continue if something doesn’t drastically change with it’s current provisions on required third party testing. I have considered changing product lines, however, that requires more capital. Capital which I do not have, money that I can not get.

K-Kitten will be 2 soon.

My household has been one big ball of raw nerve-endings. By the next payday we’re lucky to have any money left. The company I work for currently is in dire straights apparently and money is not going where it should in regards to health savings contributions and individual retirement accounts. That money being gone, it has devastated my household. Even trying to look for another position is difficult, as I know that we can not afford for me to be out of work. We can’t even afford to have to take unemployment at 80% of what I’m currently making. Getting a second job for either of us would mean putting K-Kitten into some sort of paid childcare, completely negating the second job in all likelihood.

That brings me to my fork in the road.

Which path do I take to continue safely and logically for my family’s sake? Which risk do I take that will reap the most benefit for them? Each path has risks at this point. Staying where I am, hoping that things get better, toughing it out the best we can and hope that it doesn’t last too long, or trying to move on and hope that I can find a position with as much flexibility and pay as I can. Either way I have to have a lot of faith in the outcome. I’m not sure we can afford for me to choose the wrong path. I’m pretty sure at this point there will be no going back and trying again.

K-kitten has grown so much. I’m so proud of the sweet toddler she is becoming (even when she’s throwing tantrums). I can’t help but think about what would be the best for her in any case. I don’t care what it means in regards to myself, but that she is taken care of is the most important. That includes keeping a roof over our heads, water and electricity flowing, food on the table.

At this point, we’ve been getting by with the extra cash I’ve been earning from my various methods. Without that small amount of income, I hate to think how much more in debt or how many overdraft fees we would have incurred. I’m still looking, hoping, and trying to find the best course forward. Nothing in life is certain I guess, but what do you do when you have so much at stake?

… the breastpump that is. It has come time to put away the whirring cyclic pumping machine with which I have became all too familiar. K-Kitten is 15 months old now and I have no more need to continue to pump at work. Now, with that said, this is far from the end of our nursing relationship! She has her cow’s milk and water while I’m away at work, but nursing and cuddling together is still something that is very much part of our lives.

Just yesterday, I was reminded at how grateful I am to still be nursing her. Father Unexpected was packing a great deal of her infant things to take to my brother-in-law for their upcoming arrival. K-Kitten being the adventurous one she is, decided it was the perfect time to “help” daddy with the chore. It resulted in an infant seat to the head. After a look of shock at her father, she ran to me squalling. After some words of comfort and more tears we nursed for about 30 seconds and she stopped and went back to “helping” again. It was truly as if nothing had ever happened. There was no hugging and petting and pleading or convincing that she was ok. It wasn’t a 15 minute ordeal. A bonk to the head that resulted in not so much as a red place was placated in under a minute by the wonders of the boob!

It’s been a while now since I have faithfully pumped however, and I’ve not been able to put the monster away. I keep thinking to myself that once I put it away in the closet it signals an end to this wonderful relationship, like once I do this one little thing, it’s all going to fall apart at the seams. Well, it’s true that K-Kitten does not nurse nearly like she used to, but it’s far from over. Leaving that ugly pump sitting in the living room collecting dust is doing nothing to ensure we continue to nurse at this point and quite frankly — if I didn’t pay so much money for it, I would throw it behind the tire of the car and run it over. I am that happy to be rid of it.

So here I am, 15 months into breastfeeding, cutting ties to the breastpump, and hoping for many more months of nursing to come! Here’s to hoping for the best!

It’s not clothes, or pumps, special little slings, or pillows. Aside from the hungry baby (that’s a pretty obvious pre-requisite right?), mothers need little more than support! Support from family, friends, hospital staff, and anyone else a person could think of. Without support, breastfeeding can become a minefield of self-doubt, problems, questions, and frustration that some mothers can traverse alone, but many others fall prey to the situation. Often, a mother feels that it’s her fault if a breastfeeding relationship does not take off or go well.

Let’s define support when we’re talking about breastfeeding. Supporting a breastfeeding mother goes a little farther than just supporting the mother. Breastfeeding support has to look a little beyond what the mother sees and help encourage and guide her to the information she needs. Sometimes, support will entail supporting a mother’s decision to stop breastfeeding after a long and arduous journey. More commonly however, it’s the job of our support system to encourage us, remind us that we’re amazing, help us find information and answers to questions that we need, and a heaping of understanding.

For some of us support comes from family and friends, for others it comes from classes and lactation consultants, and for fewer still sheer self-determination and the information required to accomplish the task is all that is required.

In our part of the world, breastfeeding has became one of those things that everyone talks about being so great, but when it comes to action there aren’t quite as many positive remarks to be found. For some people, they know breastfeeding is great, but only if you do it at home, or in bathrooms, or if you stop by a certain age. Go beyond those boundaries and suddenly you find yourself at odds with the world (in you own mind at least and maybe part of the world anyway), making it more important to seek out individuals that will continue to support your goals and wishes. Until the societal views on breastfeeding and it’s appropriateness changes, support will continue to be a thing that needs to be found, instead of something that is assumed.

It does not matter if your goal is to breastfeed for one month, six, a year, or more. It does not matter if you want to exclusively pump, never pump, or part-time formula feed. Support is the single greatest thing to have in your arsenal to help you meet or even exceed those goals.

The decision of breastfeeding is enough to be a life-changing experience. It comes during a time when a whole slew of other life changing experiences are about to occur. Especially for first time mothers, the unknown of motherhood and life with baby can be enough to make anyone’s head spin. It’s really nice to have someone there to hold you up while you’re still dizzy.

If you find yourself in the role of the supporter, thank you.

Father Unexpected mentioned to me Sunday night that he was “glad I let them put the fetal monitors on”. We were talking about K-Kittens birth (what I remember of it) since his brother and his wife are expecting a little one now. It broke my heart to hear that. I asked him why, because I was only in the hospital 3 hours before I gave birth and I know that they weren’t getting very good readings, because my nurses were scolding me every ten minutes saying that they couldn’t get a baseline.

FU just said that he could read it just fine, and I feel like he’s full of shit. Yeah, he’s in emergency medicine, but sorry sweetheart, you don’t read fetal monitors for a living. An EKG maybe (he’s not even really read those he’s only EMT-B) but not a fetal heart rate monitor. Then we got to talking about my dose of Staydol. He said well “I figured you were ready, you told me to go get your nurse. I asked if you were ready?”

I wasn’t ready for pain meds! So I don’t remember my baby crying and talked about boob on the videos of my baby’s first hours in this world, because my husband decided that a woman in transition needed pain meds. And my nurse didn’t ask me, she just gave them to me. I’m not sure how to get over this one. It’s been going on 11 months since my daughter’s birth and I’m sitting here crying over it again. Here I am thinking all over again I don’t ever want to have another baby. I. Do. Not. Want. That. Again.

Why do I have to live in a state that has no such thing as homebirth midwives? That has no such thing as women-centered… anythings? Why do I have to have a husband that thinks that me not wanting to have a fetal monitor is irresponsible and that I should do anything and everything any doctor and nurse says because our baby is more important than anything that has to do with me. Disclaimer: That’s very blown out of proportion, but that’s exactly how I’m feeling right now.

Why do I have to compromise my feelings because of this?

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I’m hurt today. I’m sad, and I’m hurt. Really considering never having another child & I was just starting to warm up to the idea of another. There are going to be long talks in this household before another baby is on the way. When do the feelings of regret and anger go away!? I’m dying here.

I push through every day of my motherhood with a confidence even a lion would be proud of. At least that’s what I let everyone see, even I find myself second-guessing my decisions almost on a daily basis. Especially when I see all the differences between myself and some of my other mother kin in my area. As far as I know, I’m the only breastfeeding, baby-wearer in the bunch (so I’m pretty much the odd-ball out). I worry that I’m going to get scolded again by my pediatrician or even other mothers. I keep telling myself that I make the best decisions with the information and research I have, and that I’m open to changing my course, but it still makes me worry.

K-Kitten and myself! Easter 2010 -- My little doll!

I tell myself that it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks. That’s a lie. I do care very much if people think I’m a bad mom, not because I care about their thoughts, but because I want to be a good mom and I need a little reassurance. Reassuring yourself all the time is frustrating and makes me feel like I’m trying to put myself above everyone else.

Some of the decisions I’ve made, don’t really seem like a big deal, but the more I over-analyze, the more I worry. Like my choice to not feed my daughter baby cereal, instead I chose to feed iron rich natural foods and cream of wheat (that my husband and I eat). I also don’t follow a strict eating schedule with her, and I’m terrified that she’s going to be iron deficient or low and that my pediatrician will proceed to tell me what a horrible mother I am. I’ve done all the math and I’m pretty sure that we’re in the green as far as iron intakes, but it still scares me.

K-Kitten’s 9-month check-up is coming up the 16th of this month. I guess it’s got my nerves all in a bunch since they’ll be doing blood work and specifically checking for anemia this visit. I’m more nervous about this visit than visits where she has to get vaccinations. It’s like this is the visit where the results of those tests will be my PASS/FAIL in the motherhood department.

I’m miserable. I keep telling myself that if she is anemic, we can adjust, we can fix it. Then though, wouldn’t my decision really have been bad? Should I just stuff her full of the artificially iron enhanced baby cereal that she doesn’t like (she had it once) and constipates her? Is the iron from the cereal and my breast milk and her food too much? Really, all I hear about is how iron poisoning is one of the most common poisonings in young children.

What’s a mom to do? I’ve thought long an hard about it… and I’ve done everything right and second guessing myself is a good thing! If I second guess myself I seek more information. I re-learn everything I know and sometimes get new information on new research that I need to take into account. So I will take my PASS/FAIL badge from my pediatrician and adjust accordingly. She doesn’t get to tell me I’m a bad mom, and she can’t tell me how to raise my child, she can only tell me about the things that need to change and suggest ways of doing so.

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So tell me, do you second guess yourself as a mom? What have been some of the situations where you have second-guessed yourself the most? Do you feel like you are judged by your peers? Or do you ignore them?

The World Health Organization changed it’s official recommendation regarding minimum and maximum acceptable cesarean rates in 2009. Originally, they stated that between 5 – 15% were the optimal rates and above this could be dangerous. They now state that while very low and very high rates are both dangerous, they do not know what exact percentages would be. The image left is from Monitoring Emergency Obstetrical Care – A handbook where the WHO published this information.

This information is now coming to light in the media saying that the pressure is off to reduce the number of cesareans. The same article said,

It [The handbook] added that “what matters most is that all women who need Cesarean sections actually receive them.”

This was quoted, however, upon reading the handbook myself (and you can read it for yourself) this was never said. I could probably be inferred however. It does matter that women that actually need a cesarean get one, but unfortunately there are still many, many cesareans that are unnecessary.

Why is the method of delivery so important if the baby is healthy? Because of a 1000 different reasons! Including avoidance of excessive risk to mother and baby from major surgery, maternal mental health (depression), and mode of delivery risk to baby. In a study published yesterday, Delivery Method Influences Microbial Communities in Newborns, they talk about how different even the bacteria on a newborn can be influenced by the way they were delivered.

Babies delivered via Cesarean section harbor a different ecosystem of bacteria than babies born vaginally…

…That difference could be why C-section babies experience higher rates of allergies, asthma, and infections with methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA).

The point is, even with a resulting healthy baby, there is a difference between cesarean and vaginal birth.

In 2007 the United States cesarean rate was 31.8%. That’s about 1 out of 3 babies being born by cesarean! People assume that the rate has gotten so high over the years because more women are opting for elective cesareans or more are necessary. According to surveys conducted, the women that are electing for a cesarean without medical need are not the cause of such a high rate. And the rate isn’t just going up for older or obese women with prior health risk, the rate is rising steadily for all age ranges and groups.

Why is this happening? An excellent article over at childbirthconnection.org discusses 7 factors that are contributing to the overall higher rates.

1. Less emphasis on a womens own ability to give birth.
2. Common interventions that often lead to higher risk for cesarean.
3. Refusal of informed choice in certain circumstances (like ability to VBAC)
4. Casual approach to surgical procedures by society as a whole.
5. Malpractice and lawsuit fears.
6. Limited awareness of ALL the risks involved.
7. Practices that practice in a way that is efficient (profitable in time/money) for providers.

These aren’t a catch-all, but can you see how with a lot of this 32% is possible? My question is…

If we can’t say for sure 5 – 15% is “the range” for cesarean births, what is? When will we finally say that something has to give. I agree there is no set number of cesareans that are safe or unsafe, but we should have goals! There still needs to be pressure on practices to reduce the rate, we need to inform patients, we need to support women and their babies to the healthiest and happiest start possible.

We all know that a lot of cesarean births are necessary, but there are a lot that are just as unnecessary. Just because it’s modern, faster, more-convenient (for everyone else), does NOT make it better. It does not make it OK to just let the rate climb and climb. I’m happy that it’s available, I’m not happy that it’s the automatic answer and fix-all.

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Does it matter if the cesarean rate continues to climb? Did you have a cesarean? Did you feel that during your care you were fully informed of the risks and benefits associated with cesarean? Was it your choice?

I looked for a doula when I was pregnant with K-Kitten. It was one of the first things I did actually. After a short search with no results, I just skipped it, assuming that it didn’t matter much anyway. Oh, how green was I?

Through K-Kitten’s birth, I did OK, with the exception of a few things. It was a quick birth, I didn’t curse too many people, and I had a wiggly love in my arms. It wasn’t until after we got home from the hospital and started getting bills that I really started to question how everything went.

There were things on the bill that just didn’t add up. After requesting an itemized statement for 6 months I finally got one in the mail (I was already in collections by then). Just some of the things on there that didn’t make sense:

• Oxygen tubing — I was never on oxygen. But they billed me for having it on-hand.
• MMR Booster — that I don’t remember getting. But it was “routine” for all mothers.
• Pain Pills — that I actively refused. But they were prescribed to me.

Unfortunately, apart from pulling my medical records, I talked with my insurance company and worked through the list — I’m still working on some of it, but we’re getting it taken care of.

Back on track, the bill made me realize how much of my hospital stay was not right. How I was being billed for things I’m 100% sure hadn’t happened. Then I realized I had no other family with me to back me up except my husband, and I can say that I’m sure he doesn’t remember how many times I got stuck with needles or what was in them.

I had no one with me to help explain what was happening, why they were doing something or needed to do something, or to advocate for me. Father Unexpected did his best to remember what I wanted and tell them that, but in the heat of the moment he reverted to his “medical experts know best” mentality and was basically just a hand to hold from that point forward.

I needed a doula. I wanted a doula. Next time, I’ll have a doula.

So, I started my search again. I found very few doulas in my area and only one relatively close by. I started asking around, a lot of women here have not even heard of a doula. So I start looking around on the requirements to become a certified doula. If anyone has information, I would love to have it, I keep getting more and more interested.

Then I read this:

It’s not news that the U.S. ends each calendar year with a new all-time high cesarean rate, but it may be news that Kentucky’s rate is even higher than the national average–7th in the nation for surgical birth.

7th in the NATION! I knew that my state stopped licensing midwives a long time ago, and that the only current credential they consider licensed is a Certified Nurse Midwife, I did not realize that these CNM’s are the only one’s that are capable of legally attending a home birth, but CNM’s are usually so closely employed by the medical community they only work within hospitals. Everyone else could potentially face a lawsuit for practicing without a license. There are only 24 states in the U.S. that license (or recognize licensed) midwives for home births and care. The law doesn’t care here where you give birth, but anyone attending in a professional capacity (apart from OBs and CNMs) would be there illegally.

I had not really considered home birth, but with the exception of giving birth without assistance, I will have to be ushered to a hospital to give birth there. Why would any hospital care about their policy if they know you pretty much have to go there? Especially in rural areas like the one I live, where each hospital could be hours apart and your choices are limited.

If you’re in Northern Kentucky, you’ve got a little more luck than I do. Louisville has The BirthCare Network, with valuable resources on doulas, midwives, and facilities.

I know there are women in Kentucky that have had homebirths, and have had doulas. I would love for you all to speak up. We need to know you’re out there. I want to find a doula, I want professional, educated, birth support for my next birth (whenever that may be)! But I have to be able to find you first! And maybe someone else is out there looking for you, just like me.

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Did you use a doula or a midwife? Have you had a homebirth? What are your state’s laws? Did you have any trouble finding a practicing doula or home birth midwife? Did they enrich or take away from your birth experience? Know something I don’t? Please tell me about it.